Zeedonka donk.

It's been ages since I made bad choices, So I bought a 4 back of beer for $4.99 because it had a zebra on the bottle. I didn't notice before I brought it home that it was a vanilla pale ale. Never had one before? Thats because they're not real. THAT'S NOT A THING. Either Beer Advocate or  doesn't even have a review of it yet.

Founded in 2010, Ass Kisser Ales are bottled and distributed out of San Jose, California (or maybe Ukiah? idk). At 5% ABV Zeedonka is the lightest of the five beers Ass Kisser offers. AKA promise a small, family owned brewery that uses high quality ingredients and quality craft brewery. And so does Coors, so I'm skeptical.

I was unable to find any reviews online that I really trusted were legit, Except from This is Why I'm Drunk which was a blog I just found, and I LOVE IT.





Served very cold, the pour had moderate carbonation, no lacing, very minimal head and it smelled like a candle. No-- it smelled like, if someone just smoked pot at their mom's house, and then took vanilla scented bathroom spray and just went to town. That's the smell.

It actually would have been not a terrible beer, but the taste of perfume being sprayed into my mouth with every little sip is overwhelming. Larger sips are like taking a bite out of decorative soap.

I'm actually pretty disappointed, its got the earmarks of a bad beer, with its cheeky advertising and limited information, but I took a chance on it. It didn't have the classic rotten vegetable flavor or sweet, sticky lacing, so I have hope for the brewery overall.

Verdict? Bad beer, but I would be really interested in trying their other styles.

"Its not a beer." The Bloody Caesar

Thank you to Steph and Tim for introducing us to a beverage we otherwise would have never had an opportunity to try.

Breaking the rules a little bit here. This is not a beer and its not bad. But it was super special, so I wanted to write about it anyway. 

Also known as a 'Bloody Caesar', the Caesar was invented in Alberta in 1969, designed as a signature beverage for what later became the Westin Hotel chain. MOTT's Clamato Caesar calls their beverage "Canada's Cocktail", and they mean it: Canadians consume more than 350 million glasses for Caesar a year.

So this is MOTT's canned version of the vodka beverage which is apparently so wildly popular Canada, but I had never even heard of. To be fair, I'm sure that could be said of 90% of the things that are wildly popular in Canada. Without a little investigating, Clamato Caesar could be confused for Budweiser's Clamato beer, but its a vodka beverage, so unlike a Bud Clamato there is no lacing, and no carbonation upon pouring, no gross beer. It didn't taste like blood in my mouth at all; Its more like a juice. It has a smooth spicy flavor that coats the mouth-- in a good way FINALLY- with no bitter aftertaste. I can see why this could be considered a breakfast beverage, or a hangover cure*. It's like a Bloody Mary with balls.  

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We attempted to garnish it with the traditional celery and lime (although where the HELL are Canadians getting limes?!?) but they were more of an ocular hazard than than anything. 

Apparently there is a bacon version that is REAL nasty, but this is nothing but nice.  One of my favorite reviews of the bacon version comes from The Thrillist. Check it out, there's an excellent face that brings back memories of The Beer That Shall Not Be Named. And please, someone send me one so I can try it.

* I read an article that said tomato juice helps the body absorb aspirin faster, so science says: Drink Up, You Drunk Slob!

The Bad Beer Blogger Blogs Again!!!

First, it was hard to find new bad beers to blog about, then I was lazy, then I was afraid to try new bad beers, then I was lazy again. But now there are a bunch of new beers that look terrible, and I'm interested again. 

Today's bad beer blog is full of 4-for-1 badness.  I present you with:

Tap Room No. 21 - The Gang

A 12 pack purchased for 8 dollars, consisting of four different brews. Remember that baking trick that people do around Christmas, where they make sugar cookie dough, and then they divide it up into small batches, and doctor up the dough so it looks like they've actually made four completely different kinds of cookies? Well, Tap Room No 21 did that with beer. They offer 8 varieties, all of which are pretty much the same. 

Tap Room No 21 is trying desperately to cash in on people's recent interest in Prohibition, suggesting that they were somehow involved. It large letters at the bottom of their website it reads, "Celebrating the Repeal of Prohibition Dec_1933". See what they did there? It APPEARS as if they're saying they were founded in 1933, in reality, they appeared on the scene around 2007, and are distributed by World Brews, the same company responsible for Caballo, Goldmine, Kodiak Ridge Lager, and other countless crimes against humanity. 

Because I do not want to sit here and describe each of these very similar beers for you, I am going to choose the worst. Without question, the worst of the four is the India Pale Ale. It is the worst example of an IPA I have ever tasted. I am tempted to say this beer was mislabeled. It was never meant to be an IPA, it was suppose to be some mixture of pond water and the spit of 100 alcoholics.  

The pour was amber colored, moderately carbonated. It smells like a sweet beer, not like hops at all. The taste was a miserable disappointment, but not a surprise. Thickly coats the mouth with sweet, syrupy beer. A few sips later, it went down the sink. 

Overall, I'd give it a D, because it was truly undrinkable, and not at all worth purchasing. As an IPA it is a solid F.