Awkward things to say to a stranger

In conjunction with my future segment called, "Weird things I say at an Interview" I present to you,

Awkward Things to Say to a Stranger, eleven-year-old girl edition:

"Your family lives over on Halifax? That's a nice neighborhood. Someday I hope to make enough money to rent a home out there. I'm just kidding. That'll never happen."

What was more awkward was that the joke totally landed,  and she let out this ridiculous single "HA!". I finally found my target market.

Awkward Flashback

I don't have anything to write about today, so I think I'll just enlighten you as to why I turned out the way that I am today. One of many reasons.

Remember that awkward phase I went through-- the one I never exited from? Well, it started early and came on strong. And I'm not talking about when I had to wear three diapers when I was a baby; I don't even really consider that awkward, just really unfortunate. Anyway, my mom remembers me being the same height as all the other kids when kindergarten started, but by the end of the year, everyone had grown and I was still the same height. By the first grade, I was a head shorter than all the other kids. That was the same year I was in a car accident and I had to have all my hair cut off in an attempt to hide the giant bald spot, which if you're interested, I still have. Over the course of two years, add dark non-symmetrical freckles, big pink enameled Medicaid glasses, and braces. But before you add those braces, add one of those mouth spacers that is suppose to widen your jaw, because that spacer gave me a lisp that lasted all through junior high. I couldn't say anything that had a 'K' sound. And, my name is Kimberly. I still get anxious around cookies. AND I lived in a trailer-- Which was the point where I really have to say enough already. God, What the hell were you thinking? You're telling me that you created a braces wearing, glasses clad, pee-wee ginger with a lisp, and then you said "Hell, I'm going to make her poor too; that'll be a riot."

Now, in case you're suffer from the common misconception that such an awkward little girl would be 'cute',because for some reason everyone reacts that way, I would like to introduce you to this image from AwkwardFamilyPhotos.com because when I saw it, I was SO SURE that this little girl was me, that I had to do background research to make sure it wasn't. Again, this image belongs to AFP.com.

But its a dry heat...

Have you ever entered a conversation, and the topic immediately, and suspiciously, changes? Not like the, 'shush, here she comes!' sort of change, but like today, when I walked over and the conversation switched to "Don't you hate when this humidity makes your hair all frizzy and poofy?" Which is how I found out my hair was all frizzy and poofy today.

I was already ready to run and find a hat, but of course it wasn't enough to just point out my poodle-do, what made it worse was one of my other co-workers tried to hypothetically defend frizzy hair. "I think it looks natural." ...I was now beyond find-a-hat embarrassed, by that point I was ready to go find a rock to hide under.

When I was younger, I had this image of myself outgrowing that awkward stage I was in. No. More than that. Everyone-- EVERYONE reassured me I would outgrow that awkward stage I was in. Turns out, I AM that awkward stage. I can only hope that someday I'll go through a stage, however brief, where I'm cool, or smooth. Or at least not hide-under-a-rock awkward. But I doubt it.