There is nothing funny about my job

Why do educated people have to be so serious all the time? At my last job, if a man fell slow-motion slip-and-slide style off of a rolling chair, I would have laughed it off, helped him up, and moved on. When it happens at my current job, the guy alludes to a law suit. Don't get my wrong; I still laughed, but the law suit thing made it way darker. Its like people around here are trying to murder my fun.

Everyone I bring into the exam room looks at me like I've got a God damned parrot on my shoulder. Except theres a woman in town who walks around with an actual parrot on her shoulder, and she gets more respect than I do. At the risk of sounding like a petite blonde Rodney Dangerfield, ... I don't even have to say it. Just imagine a petite, blonde Rodney Dangerfield, and you'll begin to understand why no one respects me.

And I know you educated people were told at some point in your life that there are no such thing as stupid questions, and although that might be true, it doesn't mean your questions aren't wasting my time. I mean, lets be realistic here, I have the responsibilities of a Gap employee, do you really have to know what my certifications are? Stop asking questions.

Home Ecomonics..

After a less-than-enriching experience in high school with home economics I decided that a do-over might be a good idea. So, when I found myself left alone for two weeks, I switched up my normal eat-crap-and-watch-crap bachelorette routine and I used this opportunity to learn what other people my age might consider common sense. I've focused on healthy eating, and maintaining a clean house. I'm half way through my two weeks by myself, and I've learned a few things.

For starters, Mr. Clean Magic Erasers are actually magic. No asterisk needed. And the store brand Magic Erasers work just as well. They wipe away stuff that bleach won't even get rid of, which leads me to believe that Mr. Clean Magic Erasers are pretty darn toxic. And in a related revelation-- Don't get Mr. Clean Magic Eraser dust in your eyes. That shit burns like a bitch. For hours.

Another thing I learned is that tofu is good once you quit trying to make it taste like meat. This seems to be a common mis-step-- I don't know what your grocer told you, but Tofu isn't meat, and its never going to taste like meat, so stop it.

Also, My mom's Greek recipes aren't all impossible, but they ARE all wicked bad for my health. Even the green beans and potato dish, which is vegan, is bad for me. That's right, Greeks can even make vegan food give you a heart attack.

Lastly, I have a tendency to save up all my cleaning until the last second, and then break into a marathon clean, and as it turns out that's a stupid idea-- I've got to cut that out.

Plus, I look wicked cute in an apron.

A Girl of Great Expectations

When I was in highschool I took a course called 'Nutrition'. The point of the course was to teach highschool students how to cook. In retrospect, the only thing I remember learning was how to use a microwave, and we watched a short dramatic video about bulimia. I can see they had high hopes for me.