2012: Year End Report

I had such a good time looking over information about myself last year that I decided I would do it again. Thanks to Google Analytics I know I had more unique views than last year, and people spent more time viewing each page than in previous years, which I am hoping suggests that more people who visited my site this year were actually looking for me!! Or how to find Kodiak Ridge Beer. Or how to make a Coors Light Cake. 

But anyway, here is "I'm pretty sure you didn't find what you were looking for" 2012 edition:

1. "Girl Beer Blog" -- Just kidding! You DID find what you were looking for!
2. "мексиканское пиво oz" Translates to: Mexican Beer. 
3. "Cynthia Myers" - I'd forgotten I'd even mentioned the 1968 Playboy Playmate
4. Hangovers from not drinking  
5. my burps taste like blood -- gross. 
6. my burps taste like nail polish -- also gross.
7. box of penis -- again, whats wrong with you people?
8. free porn official site blogspot.com - I'm really hoping this person had to search A LOT before finding my page...
9. Lx lodged in your mouth - WTF internet?
10. My mom thinks I make up pain


So, there was a lot of porn related searching there, and I didn't even include to searches with the words "boner" in them. The internet is a sad place. Most of the other searches were how to talk to awkward people, or how to talk to people if your awkward. My advice: Don't try. Just blog about it. People love that. 

Highlights of my work week...

In honor of Friday, its time I look back on my week. Here are just a few of the highlights:

I tripped over some old lady's artificial leg, multiple times.

A five year old girl belched in my face.

I had the same dream every night that I was being chased. Not directly work related... but I feel it contributed to the overall climate.

I yelled at a ten year old. While she was already crying. In my defense, I was yelling at her to stop crying.

I suggested to a man in a wheel chair he should go 'run away' someplace.

Someone brought reese's easter eggs into the office. I fucking love reese's easter eggs.

My co-worker cut her hand on a bloody scalpel, we're pretty sure she doesn't have some terrible old man disease now, but we're keeping a close eye on her, just in case.

A patient told my co-workers he saw a picture of me on facebook and he wanted to know how I could 'bend that way'. I'm still trying to decide which was worse: my 50-something co-worker jumping on facebook so she could find it, or me doing that.


I had to yank an overweight patient out of the waiting room chair she was wedged in. I have to do that nearly every day, but it never gets old.

In the spirit of lists...

Here is a short list of things currently erking me:

The buzzword 'clean coal' -- Coal is not clean. Quit calling it clean coal.

Co-workers who endlessly remind me I'm going to die alone. -- Just because you hate your husband, and dream of him being killed in 'tragic' 'accidents' so you can benefit from his life insurance, doesn't mean I should get married. Actually, that's another reason I shouldn't.

Facebook For all the same reasons I listed a few posts ago, plus these:
People who post requesting that people to copy and paste what they've just posted. I wont. So fuck you.

People who post a totally black and white holier-than-thou statements about our society and how it needs learn to be peaceful or forgiving or open minded. It makes me want to punch them in their big gay face and then not feel sorry about it.

Teen-aged angst, coming back as nostalgia -- Brought to you by the death of J.D. Salinger.


And finally... ex-bosses who won't send you your W-2s so you have to wait to file your taxes --When she knows good and well that filing my taxes is the highlight of my month.


Wait, I have one more: filing my taxes being the highlight of my month.