Nobody likes a winner

I've gotten pretty good at picking out mediocre beers to review, and my most recent choice, Olympia, had real promise.

Retro label, limited information on the box, tell-nothing slogan, $7.99 for a twelve pack; All the signs were there.

Olympia is an American Adjunct Lager, which is quickly becoming my favorite type of beer to review. In the back of my head, I'm always comparing American Lagers to Budweiser, and I'm learning that its harder to emulate Budweiser than you might think; most of the time you end up with skunky fart juice.

However I admit, the box is pretty cool, in a stuff-you-find-in-your-grandparent's-basement kind of way. It looks like a failed attempt at Halloween-themed Poland Springs campaign. And the slogan, "It's the Water" apparently refers to the quality of water used in the beer making process, but I had to go online and find that out. 

On to the review. My first observation was that Olympia had remarkably rich color, head, and lacing. Far better than your average American Lager.

If you recall my last review of Silver Stallion, it was the worst beer I have ever reviewed, and possibly the worst I've ever tasted. So, I was a little hesitant to try something new. I allowed my fiancee to take the first sip, after which he remarked,  "It's beer." He's my junior reviewer. 

It's a good beer, not a great beer, but even so I'm at a loss for words. I've never had an opportunity to review a good beer before. Its got an enjoyable light taste that doesn't turn rank when it warms. Maybe there's something in the water afterall. 

I give Olympia B- within its field. I prefer it over Budweiser, merely for its hipster appeal. There. I said it.  

A Beer in Review

I have been writing reviews of mediocre beer for over a year now. Not as often as I would like to, but often enough to see a trend. I drink I lot of random crap.

Today we will be looking at Silver Stallion. Found at the same discount grocery store that introduced me such gems as Hamm's and  Tecate, Silver Stallion is an American lager brewed by City Brewing Company, the brewery that is responsible for Game-Day Light. Now, Silver Stallion was $2.99 for a six pack and that is twice the price of the Game-Day Light, so one can assume that it would be twice as good. One would be wrong.

An entire post could be devoted just to the labeling on the can, but I'll keep it brief.

First of all, the lettering is reminiscent of bottle of blue Gatorade. Secondly, the title Silver Stallion sounds more like a pet-name that you give your geriatric lover than is does an American lager. Although interesting enough, the beer is equally gag-inducing. Beer companies love referencing horses in their name, remember Caballo Extra? If I ever make a beer, I'm going to call it Donkey Punch.

As the label indicates, it is best served cold, very cold. In fact, it could probably benefit from a couple of ice cubes. It happens to be the exact color that your pee is the morning after you drink heavily, a phenomenon that I fondly refer to as the "Betsy-Wetsy Effect". The beer smells like apple cider vinegar mixed with farts, and tastes like warm Coors Light. On a more positive note, its highly carbonated.

That is the only positive note.

Awkward things to say to a stranger

Part II of the endless series "Awkward things to say to a stranger" Front Desk Edition!

A man walks in and asked if his wife had been in yet.

"Nope! You beat her! I mean, you got here first. I don't mean you beat her. There's no way I'd know that. I haven't even seen her."

Awkward things to say to a stranger

In conjunction with my future segment called, "Weird things I say at an Interview" I present to you,

Awkward Things to Say to a Stranger, eleven-year-old girl edition:

"Your family lives over on Halifax? That's a nice neighborhood. Someday I hope to make enough money to rent a home out there. I'm just kidding. That'll never happen."

What was more awkward was that the joke totally landed,  and she let out this ridiculous single "HA!". I finally found my target market.

In defense of Game Day Light

In an attempt to prove that there must be SOMETHING to appreciate about Game Day Light, we decided to attempt the Beer Can Chicken project. The simple (and ridiculously cheap) recipe was as follows: 

Chicken from Nugget Market (99 cents/lb)

 Brown Sugar (negligible cost) 

Beer can stand from Grocery Outlet (2.99)

 One can on Game Day Light (25 cents)

We played with our food a little. This is the before picture, it makes me cringe, but I love it. We baked the chicken in the oven for about an hour and a half. Our house reeked of booze. We had to light a candle, but then it just smelled like apple blossom farts. I would suggest not lighting a candle, and just rolling with the booze-y smell.   

This meal would have easily fed four people. The end result was a crispy, moist, delicious chicken. We served it with Spanish rice. Incredibly easy, very cheap, and most importantly, appreciated.

Take that cynic critics!

Side note: next time, I would put down tin foil to catch the drippings. that pan will never be the same. 

Thank Heaven.

Seven Eleven has come out with convenience-store-quality beer. Finally.

While shopping at my local over-stock discount food store, and I was surprised to find a 12-pack of a previously unheard of beverage, Game-Day Light, for just $2.99. Without any deliberation about why a 12-pack of beer might be $2.99, I bought it. After all, it is advertised as a "Premium Beer". They wouldn't just say that.

And I was in good company. Immediately after I picked one up, a drunk (I can assume) Asian kid came up and filled his cart. When I saw him in the parking lot later, I asked if he had ever tried Game Day Light. He said that he had, and it was "Definitely, definitely worth 3 dollars." Which, not surprisingly, has become Game Day Light's new official slogan.

Originally introduced to the market in April of 2010, not much has been said of the beer. Of the reviews I could find, Game Day Light has been described as having a "pond water" quality. Reviewers also suggest drinking it ice cold, because of the 'rotten vegetable' taste that comes through as it warms. One reviewer claimed "there is nothing to appreciate about this beer." My go-to site for beer ratings, Beer Advocate, gives it an overall rating of D-.

All that being said, the 7-Eleven website boasted that the new beer won a Gold Medal in 2010 from the U.S. Open Beer Championship in the American Light Beer category. Which is pretty much the same thing as my mom bragging about how smart/funny/pretty I am to all her friends. What I mean is, parent-companies tend to be a little bias.

As for my own review, all I can say is that it was Definitely, Definitely, worth 3 dollars. 

Summer Vacation

I've been on a little summer break.
Still doing comedy, just in a less blogger way.

check out www.blacktopcomedy.com and find out.