My Resume

I fail at resume writing. It might be because I don't know why I do the job I do. Or that resumes force me to expose the fact that I'm not qualified to do my job. Or maybe its because none of my career highlights involve working.

So, I created a resume, because I'll by moving in the Fall, and I hope to have a job so I don't starve. And that's just about all my resume says about me. But that's not my fault, those pre-fab websites only give you 35 characters to describe your career goals. I, of course, have to bullshit, because I have no career goals. Except maybe having a career. That's a goal. And aside from that, no one sounds smart in 35 characters or less. "I like job."

I decided when making my resume, I'd use one of those automatic resume builders, where I pretty much just fill in the blanks. But when it asks me to list five things I'm looking for in my new job, I'm stuck. I'm looking for: A paid hour-long lunch, Dental insurance, 8 hour days, and a coffee maker in the break room. That's about it. But no one wants to hear that. People who are hiring want to hear that your excited to work there. That the job means more to you than just a paycheck. That every patient is special, but the truth is, if I didn't need the money, I would not be holding down a 4-year-old, squeezing drops into their eyes while they kick and scream. At least not everyday.

So the work continues on a resume that will make me look smart, but not lofty. Hardworking, but not totally lame. And above all else: Not crazy.