Being old is effortless

While I was at work this week I watched a nice old lady in her eighties struggle to hold one of our instruments with her elderly, mangled, hook-of-a-hand, and as I looked deep into her increasingly frustrated face, I realized that arthritis is really just early-onset riga mortus. And for this woman, it wasn't all that early. And then I took the instrument away, and told her to forget about it. Which I'm sure she did, almost immediately.

Growing up is hard to do.

I've recently started wearing perfume. I had to for two reasons, One: I'm a girl, and because of that I am crippled by insecurity, and the idea of smelling bad in a public place haunts me. Two: Cosmo told me to, so that's that. But I can't seem to find the right balance, the amount I need to wear so it is pleasant. Not a grandmother, nor a prostitute. Today, I smell like I should be soliciting myself on whore-avenue.

Huh.. Maybe it really is the Deadliest Catch...

In the spirit of looking at headlines and making meaningless observations, that guy from 'Deadliest Catch' died. Which is too bad, since I mildly enjoyed that show, and he was young and active. I guess all that Omega3 didn't do him any good afterall.

In the spirit of lists...

Here is a short list of things currently erking me:

The buzzword 'clean coal' -- Coal is not clean. Quit calling it clean coal.

Co-workers who endlessly remind me I'm going to die alone. -- Just because you hate your husband, and dream of him being killed in 'tragic' 'accidents' so you can benefit from his life insurance, doesn't mean I should get married. Actually, that's another reason I shouldn't.

Facebook For all the same reasons I listed a few posts ago, plus these:
People who post requesting that people to copy and paste what they've just posted. I wont. So fuck you.

People who post a totally black and white holier-than-thou statements about our society and how it needs learn to be peaceful or forgiving or open minded. It makes me want to punch them in their big gay face and then not feel sorry about it.

Teen-aged angst, coming back as nostalgia -- Brought to you by the death of J.D. Salinger.


And finally... ex-bosses who won't send you your W-2s so you have to wait to file your taxes --When she knows good and well that filing my taxes is the highlight of my month.


Wait, I have one more: filing my taxes being the highlight of my month.

This is not in my job discription

Yesterday I had to help a 90-year-old woman to the bathroom, and then into the bathroom, and then onto the toilet. I saw an old ladies cooter. Thats not in my job description.

Today an old man told me he thought my wig looked ridiculous, and I don't wear a wig. I wanted to tell him his tiny body looked ridiculous on his giant bald head, but I figured, with the company downsizing and all, I shouldn't press my luck.

Office Christmas Party

I didn't go to mine. I was encouraged to go, because it was open bar (still not completely sure what my co-workers meant by " What do you mean you're going?? You have to! Its open bar!"), but that was exactly the reason I didn't go.

Let me explain. Its not like I'm not easily persuaded by an open bar, or I don't like my co-workers, but sometimes you've got to make the right decision for the greater good. And being the youngest employee of an otherwise middle-aged company is hard. You've got a job to do- and not just your actual job- you've got a reputation to withhold. For starters, you're fun. And cool. And you can drink a ton and wake up the next day unscathed. And just because all those things are true- just because I can drink a ton- doesn't mean I can control myself afterwards.

Case and point: A friend of mine who also happens to be the youngest employee at his company, and yet despite efforts to prevent embarrassing work experiences, continues to attend office parties.

Last year, he went to his office Christmas party and after hitting the open bar, he commented to his boss that his credit card company was "Harder to get rid of than a dead hooker". So of course, this year, wasn't going to let that happen. .. Until the CEO of the company suggested they do shots.

Side note: Shots are every could-be-party-disaster's weakness. We can't say no. Sort of like how vampires can only enter your home if invited. If its offered, we've got to take it.

So, a few shots later, he's laughing and joking with his bosses, and his boss comments that he likes his hat. So he says "Yeah, a lot of people say it makes me look gay. But I figure it couldn't make me look any gayer than the gay sex does."

I'd be surprised if his girlfriend lets him go next year.

Snow Days that should have been...

All but one of our afternoon patients cancelled today because of the weather. The 3 o'clock patient decided he'd weather the storm. So, since 10:30 this morning, we have had nothing to do.

It is currently 1:45.


I just overheard one receptionist say to the other, "I spy... with my little eye.... something that is.... bored."