When Informercials Understate..

Spacebag commercials promise a lot. First, they show closets full of clothes overflowing onto the floor and visibly frustrated homeowners, then magically its turned into a closet full of plastic bags, which apparently pleases the once frustrated homeowners.

Where am I going with this? Well, I collect a lot of crap I don't need. For example, I have about seven pieces of hard luggage, and I don't travel. Now that we're moving to California, I'm starting to get concerned that some people might suggest that I don't need ten vintage cocktail dresses. Solution? Spacebags. I have never gotten more excited about a plastic bag. The only thing that the commercial got wrong was that the woman was not excited enough. The Before and After for me was something like this:



I had to call my mom, I was THAT excited. I have never felt more domestic, and I am, as I type, doing laundry and cooking a full turkey dinner. So, yeah.

Could I opt to test out of this test?

When I was in high school, I took the SATs twice, and I didn't break 1000 either time. I never took the practice tests because I figured it was a test on my basic knowledge and why would I study for that? It would be like studying for a common sense quiz-- der. But I knew how important the test itself was, and I had good intentions going in, but once it started I got bored and just skimmed over the questions, quickly filling in the bubbles. I didn't have the patience to read all that garbage. I was so smart that even just guessing, I figured I'd do ok. My beautiful and complex brain would shine through the test results. --Right?

I was wrong. Luckily, I never had to take another standardized test again.

Except. California requires substitute teachers to pass a test called the California Basic Educational Skills Test (CBEST) and I figured, big deal. Basic Educational Skills. I've got basic skills. I went to college. My mother is always telling me about how smart I am. So I took the practice test, and I failed every section. I failed the reading section and I was an ENGLISH MAJOR. I don't have test anxiety, its like I have, the opposite, I have some sort of undiagnosed test over-confidence, that leads my mind to think it can wander. Its like I look at a totally easy question, and by the time my brain gets to the multiple choice answers(oh, did I forget to mention it was a MULTIPLE CHOICE test?), I'm elsewhere. Like this one, for example, the beginning of which was an actually question on the CBEST practice test:




See what I mean?? There has got to be some way around this. I'm sure if I could just talk to the people who grade the tests and reason with them, they would wave the test requirement.

Envying a Sensible Vermonter

I recently finished reading the expanded version of The Urban Homestead: Your Guide to Self-sufficient Living in the Heart of the City By Coyne and Knutzen. I liked that the book had suggestions for every level of commitment, from neat little herb filled window boxes to grey water filtration systems. Although I am hardly living off the grid myself, I love hearing about people who are going to very complex lengths to live more simply. Too often these people are bitter, trudging through their environmental lifestyle like a terrible chore, and giving me the impression that its my fault-- solely my fault-- that they have to poop outdoors. So it is refreshing for me to see someone who is genuinely enjoying their self-inflicted frugal lifestyle. Desiree Giroux is one of those people, or at least she puts on a good show. Her blog: Becoming A Sensible Vermonter is part garden planner/part food blog, and chronicles her and her husband's experiences as new Vermonters. I'm mostly in it for the pictures.

I'll write more on this later, for now, go read her blog.

Tolerance

Ever wonder how long your co-workers will allow you to totally slack off after you announce your engagement? The answer is nine days.

Side note

With our Optometrist's recent decision to leave her part time position with us in favor of a full time position at the VA, I've found myself with a lot of time on my hands. Normally in these cases an employee like myself, being cut from five days a week to only two, would be put on unemployment, but my boss has decided it would be financially beneficial to everyone to just keep me on for the next month, since I'm moving to California in August anyway. So, for the next month, I've got to come up with some time wasting activities at work.

I thought coming up with activities to waste time at work would be easy. It should come more naturally to me than working, but its harder than I had anticipated. So far I can recommend the following websites as prime time wasters:

www.fmylife.com
www.textsfromlastnight.com
www.akwardfamilyphotos.com
www.icanhascheezburger.com

Awkward Family Photos has also branched off to www.awkwardfamilypetphotos.com which I don't see much of a point for, seeing as the really great ones are repeats. But if you're in a real pinch to waste time, then go for it.

Other useless time wasters include staples such as: youtube-ing my favorite music videos (Ok Go, anyone?), facebook, and e-mailing people I'd otherwise not.

EDIT: My good friend Steph has brought to my attention the website www.cutethingsfallingasleep.org which is like a time sucking machine, and I thank her for that recommendation.

Full Disclosure

I need to learn that every time I find myself thinking, "This is the perfect time to have this conversation!" I need to ask myself first: How drunk am I? If the answer is any variation of "very", I should shut up. Because remember kids, buzzed pontifications are drunk pontifications.

Come Do America with Me..

I snagged this from a friend, who took it out of a local newspaper. There is so much I want to say about this, but I think its best just the way it is.

Home Ecomonics..

After a less-than-enriching experience in high school with home economics I decided that a do-over might be a good idea. So, when I found myself left alone for two weeks, I switched up my normal eat-crap-and-watch-crap bachelorette routine and I used this opportunity to learn what other people my age might consider common sense. I've focused on healthy eating, and maintaining a clean house. I'm half way through my two weeks by myself, and I've learned a few things.

For starters, Mr. Clean Magic Erasers are actually magic. No asterisk needed. And the store brand Magic Erasers work just as well. They wipe away stuff that bleach won't even get rid of, which leads me to believe that Mr. Clean Magic Erasers are pretty darn toxic. And in a related revelation-- Don't get Mr. Clean Magic Eraser dust in your eyes. That shit burns like a bitch. For hours.

Another thing I learned is that tofu is good once you quit trying to make it taste like meat. This seems to be a common mis-step-- I don't know what your grocer told you, but Tofu isn't meat, and its never going to taste like meat, so stop it.

Also, My mom's Greek recipes aren't all impossible, but they ARE all wicked bad for my health. Even the green beans and potato dish, which is vegan, is bad for me. That's right, Greeks can even make vegan food give you a heart attack.

Lastly, I have a tendency to save up all my cleaning until the last second, and then break into a marathon clean, and as it turns out that's a stupid idea-- I've got to cut that out.

Plus, I look wicked cute in an apron.