Sneaky Pity

Four days ago, I went to my parent's house to pick up some of my mail, because yes, even as an adult, my permanent address is still my parent's house, and at the time of arrival, I felt pretty good. I had been out of work for two weeks, but I was returning, my bills could wait, life was good. My mother and stepfather starting asking questions about my employment. Whens, and wheres, and how long. Its shocking how quickly a conversation with my parents can go from innocent curiosity to ruthless bullying. Anyway-- I cried. Not even really cried though, just sniffled, teared up, and made a quick exit. Eight miles later I was at home, and I'd forgotten all about it. My mother however, had not. She called me a half an hour after I got home. Just calling saying 'hi'. Hi. My mother never calls just to say 'hi'. So, I said my hello, my awkward 'so, whats new?'.. and hung up. The next day, I had two e-mails in my inbox from my mother. One, a story about a pig being adopted by a family of dogs. Ok... I like pigs, I like dogs, that's totally an appropriate story to send me. I guess. The second was a series of pictures with warm, uplifting captions, characters from Winnie-the-pooh hugging with a flowery 'friends forever'' under it; cats looking into mirrors seeing lions ' its whats on the inside'... Ok.. moving on, I got up and saw my phone had a text message. From my mom. 'I love you. Mommie.' And then it hit me: My mother thinks I'm going to off myself. Super.

I have since received a phone call every evening, a text, and an e-mail every day. Just to say hi

Fitting

In leau of lunch today, I went to a bridal shop to buy a dress for my brother's impending wedding. Much to my surprise, you need to order these things 8 weeks in advance, my brother's wedding, however, is in 4 weeks. But for a small fee, they are able to rush the dress. How good of them. The shop was small, it had been a coffee shop before this, and before that it was an antique store, and the owner of the shop was on the phone with the police, telling them about a stolen necklace... but I was dress shopping. I found two nearly identical dresses, tried both on, took pictures with my phone, and decided that the more expensive one looked best. Of Course. Now, designer dresses run large, especially wedding related dresses, which is a topic I can't even bring myself to get into right now, another time maybe... But, as I am being sized, fully clothed, the woman tells me, "You're about an eight hip, but a six bust..." and then she realized that I may have been offended by the suggestion that I'm pear shaped, and maybe rightfully so, I've never considered myself pear shaped... So she says quickly "Well- Thats okay though. We can just put in *a little* padding, and you wont even need it altered." and I reply, flattly, "I'm already wearing padding."

Lunchtime.

Spaghettio's boast the ability to be "Ready in 3 minutes!" Now, that's pretty impressive, but right under it, it says to microwave on high for 1 minute. So, what I want to know is, what retard takes two minutes to open a can?

I can't even eat in peace.

Therapy Burn

So, this all started as a self-therapy experiment, but armed with the knowledge that I should always spread my interests, I also see a traditional therapist.

Once a week I sneak into town and stare at this woman for an hour. And I talk, mostly about the week. I don't think I'm very good at therapy, and I imagine its pretty frustrating to listen to me rant. Something like listening to a second-hand book review. And then I leave, wondering if she got anything from that, as if the session was to benefit her. Well, that was my plan for today until she called me at 9am, which, by the way, is such an insult. For her to know I'd still be at home, in bed, and not at work, or out, or somehow unavailable because I'm a contributing member of society totally burns me up. So, she says she's in the hospital, and she'll have to cancel our meeting for today. And then she's going on vacation, so she'll see me at the end of the month. And I just say "You'll really do anything to get out of this, wont you?" Honestly though, I think hospitalization is going a little far.

5 year plan

I could be considered an adult, in some social circles. People around me are married, have children, own homes, buy cars, have credit cards. This weekend I drove 123 miles to ask my dad for money. And I tell you what, that never gets old. But neither does being able to pay the bills, so I guess it works out. . . No matter how many times I work out my budget, I still manage to come up short. I'm starting to think that I sleep spend.

The world's most lucid dream

Being moved down to part-time is miserable, but it allows me to really focus on people watching. And better than just regular people watching: people watching at the unemployment office.

Upon walking through the door, I encountered a man at the front desk who was probably younger than he looked, struggling through a work history form with a bear of a man who had been a truck driver for as long as he could remember. The old-ish man told me to sit down because I was making him nervous. I was slightly offended that I had the capacity to make him nervous, but he was comfortable with the Bearman.

I was eventually brought into the back to speak with some sort of a placement director. Betty was impressed that I had a job. And not a job 'recently' but still currently was employed, and looking for another job to bump me up to 40 hours a week. And I had a resume. As she came to these revolutions through her own, slow-moving fashion, I realized that maybe I'd be better off going this alone.

Food for thought: Is there such a thing as too much Fla-Vor-Ice? Is this going to be like the time when I was at work and I found out too many lifesavers has a laxative effect?

Foot still in mouth

Today, trying my hand at idle conversation, I told a patient she looked well. She told me she was stressed. Hoping to salvage the short answer to my pathetic attempt at conversation, which I should know by now isn't worth it, I said she should be happy, her blood pressure was down the lowest it had been since 2007. She said she was shocked, between having to move and taking care of her husband in the hospital, she was completely worn out. This is the point where I should have stopped. Instead I said,
"Well, I'm sorry to hear about you husband." And then, THIS I should have ended with that. but I said "Is he doing better?" No, she said. He passed in April.

Then I really should have stopped, but out of my mouth flopped "Well, at least he's stable now."