Last week I bought five frozen meals, and disappointed myself one lunch at a time. Starting with this:
By far the most expensive of my frozen meals, costing over two dollars, was this steam-fresh meal. When I started eating it, I was disgusted by what I thought were gross large mealy carrots. Upon reading the box, I discovered they were actually gross large mealy sweet potatoes. The texture was worse than the flavor. It was the easiest to prepare: four minutes in the microwave, and then eat. None of that, cut the film, then 2 minutes, then stir, then remove remaining film, then 2 minutes, then sit. I might as well just make a real lunch if I'm going to work that hard!
Next, lets play a game. The following two meals cost 88 cents each. I want you to guess which is chicken, and which is fish! (because who doesn't like to play with their food?)
Gross Meal Number One comes with completely odorless, flavorless Mac and Cheese and a brownie that bakes itself in the microwave (and goes everywhere):
Gross Meal Number Two also has flavorless Mac and Cheese, but comes with clumpy chocolate pudding for dessert:
If you guessed Meal Number One was chicken, you win! How did you know?! (If you were wrong, don't worry, I'm the only real loser here) Both 'meats' were grey, and although the 'chicken' tasted like raw corn meal, it still narrowly beat out the fish, which smelled more fishy than it tasted. You're welcome communal microwave.
After two days of that, I decided to finish the week with a quick tour of Italy, starting with Manicotti in a red sauce:
No, that's not the bottom of a dumpster you're looking at, that's my lunch! Two tiny rolls of cheese filled pasta tucked into the corner of cardboard box of red sauce with suspicious black flakes in it. The cheese wasn't that bad, but I couldn't get over the pasta to sauce ratio. 99 cents for the meal, by the way.
Never in the history of mankind has anyone looked forward to the end of the work week more than I did last week. My tour of Italy concluded with every frozen dinner maker's favorite bastardization:
Chicken and Broccoli Alfredo.
Sponge-y chicken cubes smothered in fat sauce, with the tiniest suggestion of broccoli, and hard, dry pasta. Probably the best of the bunch, honestly.
I'm ready to go back to gross beer now, please.
"None of that, cut the film, then 2 minutes, then stir, then remove remaining film, then 2 minutes, then sit. I might as well just make a real lunch if I'm going to work that hard!"
ReplyDeleteI'm so glad someone else is as lazy as I am. I can't count the number of times I've talked myself out of buying fruit because I'd have to wash it before I ate it. Way too much effort.
On the other hand, all these frozen meals are so scary-looking that I would rather go hungry. Before you started, you should have bet some people that you wouldn't get food poisoning. You would have won a lot of money. (Right?)