The Official Beer of NES: Tailgate

When I saw this black and orange six pack at Grocery Outlet, I knew I wanted to review it. But then I saw it was a hefenweizen and I recoiled.  It calls itself "The official craft beer of tailgating". Because when I think tailgating, I think small artisan batches of hefenweizen. But, I guess if I'm going to drink a canned hefenweizen, it might as well be the official hefenweizen of tailgating. Why not.


My suspicions that this was some sort of bastard cousin of the Gameday beers was wrong. Tailgate Beer is a new brew, founded in 2007, and is based out of San Diego but brewed in Monroe, Wisconsin by Minhas Brewery. Heard of Minhas? That's because they make Trader Joe's beer. From what I can tell, Tailgate is actually a small producer. I know I should have gotten that from the 'craft brew' denotation, but considering all the beers I review call themselves 'premium', words don't mean anything to me anymore.  But it is interesting to note that the term 'craft brew' does not mean a whole lot. Any brewery that produces 6 million barrels of beer or less per year is a craft brewer. There are over 2 thousand breweries registered in America, and less than 50 of them produce enough beer to not be called a 'craft brew'.

The company was founded by a 21-year-old, but the cans look like they were designed by an 8-year-old who was inspired by an old NES game. Likewise, the website is a sports themed mess that slowed down my browser like I was visiting a free porn site. Or, you know, what I imagine visiting a free porn site would... Nevermind. Anyway, All that being said, the website's FAQ page made me laugh; its snarky and informative. I kind of wish I'd written it. (check is out here). On to the pour...

Its light and clear, which is uncharacteristic of a hefenweizen, but if there had been shit floating around in it, I wouldn't have been too thrilled with that either. The technical classification is American Pale Wheat Ale, but it smells like any bland Adjunct lager I've ever had. Just don't smell it more than you have to. Its got a little bit of ass-stench to it. Its also got that malty syrup taste that I'm not a tremendous fan of. Those were the cons. The pros being its a light, drinkable beer with very little after-taste. The taste is improved with a little bit of lemon juice. 

Mike gives it a C+ when ice cold, but a C- when slightly warm, where I give it an overall C. 

There's the right way, There's the wrong way,

And there's the Kingway.

It sounds like the name of a discount grocery store, but it's actually a beer from China that I bought at a discount grocery store. It was the only 6-pack of its kind, and sitting in a ripped box and covered in dust, it wasn't hard for me to know which beer to pick for this installment of the beer blog.

Although from China, Kingway is a European Pale Lager. Now, I know Euro Pale Lagers are not something we deal with everyday on this site, so let me explain briefly how that differs from an American Adjunct Lager: It doesn't. 

So, moving on, the brewing company, Guangdong, was founded in 1990 and as of 2004, Heineken has owned 21% of the brewing company, which may have something to do with the label stating its brewed "In the German Brewing Tradition".

The website for Guangdong looks like it was made by a mid-western family to post their yearly Christmas letter. That aside, its the most informative beer website I've seen, covering everything from ingredients, to information for the stock holders, to annual reports, or as I like to call them, "the Kingway Christmas letter".  The website states that they vow to make sure every bottle of beer is 'flawless', and boasts 'Green Technology', which means brewing without the use of formaldehyde. Wait. WHAT? I had to do research, and apparently, trace amounts of formaldehyde is used in not just Chinese beer, but most beers, to prevent bacteria from growing in the can. Bottled beer does not contain formaldehyde, but even at trace amounts, with the amount of beer that I consume, I'm probably going to end up pickling myself.
But back to Kingway. It received the China Best Brand award in the 'green food' category in 2002, 2004, and 2005, which is super prestigious, considering how well known China is for its beer. 

It had a good pour; good head, proper lacing, clear golden color. I feel like there was a bait and switch, because all the really positive stuff ends there. It had an off-putting smell that was not at all beer scented, but neither Mike or I still can't place it. Old potato? No. I don't know. Its drinkable, just don't give it a chance to get warm. Mike tasted the rotten vegetable taste often present in american adjunct style, but I didn't. I did however experience a mildly unpleasantly, thick, sweet mouthcoat. And gave me awful after-burps.

I give it a C-. It had good presentation, I think if it hadn't been as old as it appeared to be (there was a stamp on the bottles that may have suggested it was brewed in 2010), it could have gotten a solid C.

The California State Fair: People Watching that Moves You!

California has a massive state fair, so massive that just being a state fair isn't enough. Every year it has to have a theme. This year's theme was "Fun That Moves You", which seemed pretty unnecessary because as far as I'm concerned, no one I know actually goes to the state fair for 'fun'. We go for two main things, to eat so much food that we nearly die, and to judge strangers as they eat so much food that they almost die.

So, with our agenda set, we started out for the California State Fair on six dollars night. We were hoping cheap ticket night would attach prime people-watching material, only to find out that people go to the California State Fair not just to see, but to be seen. I was deeply disappointed by the amount of updos, and sleek dresses. Don't get me wrong, there was plenty of XXL Micky Mouse shirts and fanny packs to go around, but I wasn't wading ankle deep in dirty screaming children. Wait. Am I complaining about that right now?

On to the food. I don't remember where I first heard this, but I've had a lot of people tell me that no one should eat more than two hot dogs a month. I didn't know why, but I figured, since everyone seemed to know it, so it must be true. I found an article online that said eating a hot dog is the equivalent to smoking a cigarette. I guess it makes sense; you tend to really crave both when you're stressed out, and if you have one at a kid's party, you're instantly racked with guilt. The American Institute for Cancer Research produced a study that suggested eating a hot dog a day could increase your chance of colon cancer by over 20%. All that being said, I really, really wanted a hot dog.

And they're not hard to find at a state fair. But I didn't want some plain jane chili dog, or a hot dog on a stick. This was the State Fair. I needed something special. Like a hot dog wrapped in a doughnut. 

Yeah. A maple glazed doughnut cut in half and stuffed with a hot dog for $5.75. That was exactly what I was looking for. As we were ordering, a little girl came up behind us and read the sign "'Doughnut Dog?' GROSS!" and then ran away. I feel like that was fate giving me one last chance to turn back, but the food truck guy had already gone out back to get the doughnut out of his trailer, so I felt obligated to stay.

Seen here, being modeled by Mike, it was actually a pretty good dog, but the mix of frosting and  tubed meat was kind of gross. And the doughnut, which was probably fried early in the morning, was extremely stale by 7pm.

Here is a close up of the Doughnut Hot Dog. I'm still struggling with what we would have topped it with. The options of yellow mustard or ketchup sounded too gross to try. As we were eating this, I couldn't help feeling like we were being watched. And judged.