Day off

I love a day when I can sit back and watch television.

It leaves me with questions though. Like:

Why would three woman go out for lunch and order Dannon Light & Fit Yogurt?

I had briefly wondered why the television assumed that I needed life insurance, weight loss drugs, and dating websites just because I was watching a Martha marathon. But I figured that one out.

Conflicted

I love reality television, but I hate high pitched screaming.

And you said there wasn't anything on TV..

It has come to my attention that The Nanny is back on television. What the hell were you thinking, 1995? The only thing that could have made that show more grating is if Gilbert Godfrey played opposite Fran Drescher.  Even on mute, the show is offensive.

Thanks TVLand, for dragging that dead horse out to beat.

Trend Alert!

I apparently watch television that is targeting an audience two generations older than myself. All of the commercials are geared toward improving my mobility, buying life insurance without having to have a physical exam, reverse mortgages, and managing my sore bones, loose dentures, and forever ailing health. After watching hours of these commercials, I've collected a few marketing trends that I will use to make the elderly bend to my will-- which will be a real task, seeing as they don't bend very well. Because I plan to use my new communication skills to pacify old, grouchy patients, I'm going to try to write off my cable bill as a business expense.




Old people LOVE American flags, its a proven fact. One of the easiest ways to get an old person's attention is to put slap an American flag on your logo. It reminds them where they are: America.

Nobody likes to be frustrated, but no one hates being frustrated more than old people do. Some of the industries best reenactors have jobs on commercials illustrating old people's biggest fears: a seemingly able-bodied woman struggles to open a pickle jar; you're at your daughter's wedding and your dentures just won't stay put. Your grandchildren are picking on you about your inability to use a cell phone. Your tiny arthritic hands can't zip your tiny zippers. And worst of all-- you can't hear the television. How are you going to know what to be insecure about if you can't hear the tv?!

In conclusion, to motivate the Greatest Generation, you only need two tools: Flags and Fear. Just make sure you speak in a clear, loud voice.

Huh.. Maybe it really is the Deadliest Catch...

In the spirit of looking at headlines and making meaningless observations, that guy from 'Deadliest Catch' died. Which is too bad, since I mildly enjoyed that show, and he was young and active. I guess all that Omega3 didn't do him any good afterall.